Remembering
The old man looks at her with puzzled eyesand smooths his sheet with hesitating hand.He says hello but all that comes is criesthat slur their way from some outlandish landand twist around the fat...
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Hi, Multo.Quite a shocking sonnet.I don't have any nits here.The 're-occurrence' of rhyme sounds is to great effect [again] in this poem. ('thin'/'chin' - and then, later on, 'rim'/'him';...
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Dutch: you write such interesting critiques and with such acute observation - thank you for looking at this. It was inspired by talking to two stroke victims who were struggling to speak again and who...
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"and twist around the fat tongue of a fool."/and TWIST / a ROUND / the FAT / TONGUE of / a FOOL/iamb/iamb/iamb/trochee/iambNary a spondee in sight, just a normal fourth-foot trochaic substitution.Jason
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Hi Multo and Jason! Couldn't he, Jason, simply invert "tongue of" to correct iamb? and still stay away from reverse syntax? I dunno, just wondering. Shy
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There's no need to correct anything--a trochaic substitution of this kind is perfectly acceptable.Jason
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Hi, Multo."and twist around the fat tongue of a fool."To me "tongue of" is to be scanned as a spondee. Punctum. (Any other scansion is a 'laus/i.e. testimonium stultitiae'. Ergo...)Regards, Dutch
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Interesting points of pronounciation here. In my clipped English accent I say:and TWIST aROUND the FAT TONGUE of a FOOLAs long as I wind around the parameters of a sonnet and get over what I mean to...
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American English pronounces it the same way.There's no problem here, metrically.Jason
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Hi, Multo.The point here is the context. By using a spondee you stress the content."and twist around the fat tongue of a fool": just scan and listen --and TWIST aROUND the FAT TONGUE OF a FOOLUnder...
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I hear what you say and am amazed at how my attempts to get over my subject can be so accurately defined in a scientific fashion. The fat tongue of a fool is the very thing which moved me to write...
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Thanx, Multo. I just knew it. I just could HEAR it - your intention, and the poor man's suffering. Sheer recognition. So: f--- the rules of verse here.Regards, Dutch
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